Through The Mind of A Stalker

In this article, Sanam Naran takes us through the thought processes of a stalker and helps to identify one.

What Signs Should I Look Out For When I Suspect I Might Have a Stalker?

• One of the common things a stalker will do is to lurk around your home or workplace.
• A stalker constantly watches you from a distance, you’d have to spot them from outside of your immediate circle. 
• You will also notice a string of repeat phone calls.
• A stalker will often times give inappropriate gifts.
• They will manipulate you to interact with them.
• With the emerging of technologies such as social media, stalkers can now cyberstalk you.
• A stalker will also attempt to stalk and interact with your family and friends.
• In escalated cases, a stalker may start threatening you.

What Character Traits Do Stalkers Typically Have?

• Stalkers are typically jealous, especially of their subject. 
• Stalkers have a manipulative character. 
• They are typically narcissistic. 
• Stalkers, along with a manipulative character trait, they are also deceptive.
• they are obsessive and compulsive
• They typically fall in love instantly.
• They are socially awkward or uncomfortable.
• They typically have a need to be in control.
• They depend on others for a sense of self.
• Stalkers are typically unable to cope with rejection.
• They have a sense of entitlement (you owe me!).
• Unable to take NO for an answer (learn more on boundaries)
• Does not take responsibility for own feelings or actions.

What Mental Health Illnesses Are Linked To Stalking?

Rather than a disorder in itself, stalking is a behavior that falls under the umbrella of symptoms for various disorders. According to a 2012 study published in the journal, Aggression and Violent Behavior, “Motivations for stalking include a delusional belief in romantic destiny, a desire to reclaim a prior relationship, a sadistic urge to torment the victim, or a psychotic over-identification with the victim and the desire to replace him or her.” And stalkers can fall under a variety of diagnoses, including psychotic disorders; personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder; and delusional disorders.

Take Us Through The Different Stalker Subtypes?

Rejected Stalker

Some stalkers have been rejected by a person they wanted a relationship with, or have just experienced a breakup. The stalker may be looking for a way to salvage their relationship, or want to remain as close to the victim as much as possible. In other instances, they’re angry and want revenge for being rejected.

Predatory Stalker

Predators are often sexually obsessed or have deviant sexual fantasies. Typically male, their victims are usually women who are strangers, but who the stalker has a sexual interest in. It can start with voyeurism, which becomes a precursor to a sexual assault.

Incompetent Suitor

These kinds of stalkers are typically incompetent at relationships, lonely, and target strangers or casual acquaintances. They assume they can convince the object of their desire to start dating them. They can often seem blind or indifferent to the suffering they inflict on the victim. Many of these stalkers have poor social skills.

Resentful Stalker

Some people become stalkers because they feel like they’ve been mistreated in some way. These stalkers often have some form of mental illness, experience feelings of paranoia or persecution, and can be self-righteous and self-pitying. Stalking the victim can be a way to get revenge for their perceived mistreatment. They feel like they have a certain amount of power over the victim as they stalk them.

Intimacy-Seeker

Often mentally ill, the intimacy-seeking stalker believes the victim will love or learn to love them, and they may have a delusional belief that the victim already does love them. In many instances, they focus on prominent or celebrity figures.

How Can I Protect Myself From A Stalker?

1. Have No Contact With the Stalker

Do not have any form of contact with the stalker.

2. Tell Others

Although many stalking victims are reluctant to inform others of what they are going through, it is important that those around the victim know what is happening. This includes family, friends, co-habitants, work colleagues and even neighbors.

3. Increase Personal Protection

Change daily routines e.g. the route or times going work, gym or other frequently attended locations

Only give personal details to those you trust

4. Collect Evidence

Proof is crucial in preparing a case against the stalker and it cannot be overestimated how important it is to keep all evidence and document your encounters and experience. The following are some ways in which to collect evidence:

5. Keep Evidence

• Telephone messages
• Try to record the message so can be stored in another format.
• Keep text messages on the phone, download to computer and show others

6. Reporting The Stalking to Police And Get A Restraining Order

CRISIS HELPLINE 0800 567 567

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ABUSE HELPLINE 0800 150 150

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