Author name: Sanam Naran

Through The Mind of A Stalker In this article, Sanam Naran takes us through the thought processes of a stalker and helps to identify one.   What Signs Should I Look Out For When I Suspect I Might Have a Stalker? One of the common things a stalker will do is to lurk around your home or workplace. A stalker constantly watches you from a distance, you’d have to spot them from outside of your immediate circle.  You will also notice a string of repeat phone calls. A stalker will often times give inappropriate gifts. They will manipulate you to interact with them. With the emerging of technologies such as social media, stalkers can now cyberstalk you. A stalker will also attempt to stalk and interact with your family and friends. In escalated cases, a stalker may start threatening you.   What Character Traits Do Stalkers Typically Have? Stalkers are typically jealous, especially of their subject.  Stalkers have a manipulative character.  They are typically narcissistic.  Stalkers, along with a manipulative character trait, they are also deceptive. they are obsessive and compulsive They typically fall in love instantly. They are socially awkward or uncomfortable. They typically have a need to be in control. They depend on others for a sense of self. Stalkers are typically unable to cope with rejection. They have a sense of entitlement (you owe me!). Unable to take NO for an answer (learn more on boundaries) Does not take responsibility for own feelings or actions.   What Mental Health Illnesses Are Linked To Stalking? Rather than a disorder in itself, stalking is a behavior that falls under the umbrella of symptoms for various disorders. According to a 2012 study published in the journal, Aggression and Violent Behavior, “Motivations for stalking include a delusional belief in romantic destiny, a desire to reclaim a prior relationship, a sadistic urge to torment the victim, or a psychotic over-identification with the victim and the desire to replace him or her.” And stalkers can fall under a variety of diagnoses, including psychotic disorders; personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder; and delusional disorders.   Take Us Through The Different Stalker Subtypes?   Rejected Stalker Some stalkers have been rejected by a person they wanted a relationship with, or have just experienced a breakup. The stalker may be looking for a way to salvage their relationship, or want to remain as close to the victim as much as possible. In other instances, they’re angry and want revenge for being rejected. Predatory Stalker Predators are often sexually obsessed or have deviant sexual fantasies. Typically male, their victims are usually women who are strangers, but who the stalker has a sexual interest in. It can start with voyeurism, which becomes a precursor to a sexual assault. Incompetent Suitor These kinds of stalkers are typically incompetent at relationships, lonely, and target strangers or casual acquaintances. They assume they can convince the object of their desire to start dating them. They can often seem blind or indifferent to the suffering they inflict on the victim. Many of these stalkers have poor social skills. Resentful Stalker Some people become stalkers because they feel like they’ve been mistreated in some way. These stalkers often have some form of mental illness, experience feelings of paranoia or persecution, and can be self-righteous and self-pitying. Stalking the victim can be a way to get revenge for their perceived mistreatment. They feel like they have a certain amount of power over the victim as they stalk them. Intimacy-Seeker Often mentally ill, the intimacy-seeking stalker believes the victim will love or learn to love them, and they may have a delusional belief that the victim already does love them. In many instances, they focus on prominent or celebrity figures.   How Can I Protect Myself From A Stalker?   1. Have No Contact With the Stalker Do not have any form of contact with the stalker. 2. Tell Others Although many stalking victims are reluctant to inform others of what they are going through, it is important that those around the victim know what is happening. This includes family, friends, co-habitants, work colleagues and even neighbors. 3. Increase Personal Protection Change daily routines e.g. the route or times going work, gym or other frequently attended locations Only give personal details to those you trust 4. Collect Evidence Proof is crucial in preparing a case against the stalker and it cannot be overestimated how important it is to keep all evidence and document your encounters and experience. The following are some ways in which to collect evidence: 5. Keep Evidence Telephone messages Try to record the message so can be stored in another format. Keep text messages on the phone, download to computer and show others 6. Reporting The Stalking to Police And Get A Restraining Order CRISIS HELPLINE 0800 567 567 GENDER BASED VIOLENCE HELPLINE 0800428 428 ABUSE HELPLINE 0800 150 150 SAPS NATIONAL LINE 08600 10111

Boundaries In Brown Families Boundaries in brown families is a subject of importance. In this article, Sanam Naran explains why it can be very difficult to implement boundaries in brown families. Though this is possible, it becomes important that a family adopts a supportive structure such as Conscious Psychology to maneuver through the difficulties.    Why Enforcing Boundaries In Brown Families Are Difficult: You feel guilty for putting yourself first. Self-sacrifice is common in brown culture. You want to be liked and accepted. Saying “no” feels like you’d be seen as unreasonable or difficult. You may have grown up learning to abandon your own needs, which is a result of intergenerational trauma. You’re taught to never speak back and if you do, you’re seen as disrespectful. (Although, enforcing boundaries does not equate to “speaking back”.) Boundaries require you to speak up. It’s not often acceptable that you have a voice, especially if you’re female. You may feel indebted towards your parents. Your family or parents have struggled with their own boundaries. Disclaimer: Enforcing boundaries can be difficult in any culture.   How Do I Enforce Boundaries In My Family? Well, start with smaller boundaries. If you’ve never set boundaries it may come as a surprise to them. Explain to them what boundaries are, why they are important to you and how they will help all your relationships. You can’t expect them to read your mind. Be clear about your needs, even if you think they should just naturally know. You need to be clear when a boundary has been violated. Communicate this politely. Getting angry when a boundary is violated is completely normal. It’s how you express that anger that is important. Be polite, yet firm. Keep enforcing your boundaries, even if you have to constantly repeat yourself. Expect and pre-empt that you will feel guilt, which is normal. Make space for it but recognize when you feel shame. That’s something that needs to be reflected on a bit deeper. You need to respect their boundaries too. Enforcing boundaries is not easy, especially if you’ve never done it before. It’s a skill that takes practice and involves a great deal of emotional work. You may find that they start to guilt-trip you when you set boundaries. Set them, anyway, they will still love you. You can read more articles by Sanam Naran on Families and Boundaries here. Disclaimer: This can be helpful to all cultures & families. Not just brown. Should be applied tentatively in abusive families.

Family Therapy Family Therapy has fast become a necessity and a need that we all cannot do without. If you are born and you are now grown, then you certainly need therapy, it is even more impactful when the whole family opts in for therapy. In this educational summary, Sanam Naran gives us insights into the application for family therapy in modern society.  History of Family Therapy and Assessment The assessment of the individual and their family relationships has been and is still a constantly evolving portion of marriage and family counselling literature. According to many root sources, these include parental marital satisfaction, religious and social class similarities, orientation of family, social environment, and previous experiences with marriage and divorce. Early writings on psychology focused primarily on the perception of relationships within the older generation, and explored the notion of parental marital satisfaction predicting personal marital happiness. Some earlier sociological approaches attempted to relate the larger social environment to marital selection and satisfaction. For example, in order for one to have a “successful” and “good” marriage, one would have to have a similar world view to that of one’s spouse, but have enough complementary personality characteristics to keep the relationship interesting. Some terms were used to describe this adjustment to the relationship within a study. Family Therapy – Overview of Cybernetics First order cybernetics is a mechanical systems theory that concerns itself with the focus of regulation of feedback mechanisms operant in controlling both complex and simple systems. This is the epistemology proposed by family therapy theory; it is impossible to understand individual behaviour without considering the context in which the behaviour occurs. Consider, for example, the following scenario: “If mom and dad are having marital problems and little Lungi is acting up and throwing tantrums and Sihle is withdrawing and losing her appetite, we, as ecosystemic practitioners, do not bring Lungi for therapy or take Sihle to the GP, we look at the family in context and at what is happening in the system to cause this behaviour.” Some postmodern theorists hold a second-order cybernetic view. This contends that within the family structure, the individual has a unique reality, which (although separate) is a legitimate reality. This view regards objective descriptions of families as mere social constructions agreed upon by social interaction. Symptoms are viewed as oppressive and therapy is concerned with assisting the family to ‘re-author’ and reclaim control over their lives. The focus is therefore placed on the individual’s internal structure and includes his/her relationship within the system. Observers help to collectively create a new reality by interacting and resetting the inside setting of a system. The individual creates a reality unique to himself by drawing from experiences, perceptions, social insights and genetics. These elements all hold equal value and are all considered significant. Golann (1987) states that the central perspective of this system is the notion that one cannot describe or observe without modifying the subject of the observation, or by being modified in return.   Family Therapy – Systems Theory Systems are an integral part of human life. They can be man-made, or natural, non-living or living. The notion behind systems thinking is the impossibility of studying the phenomenon of a component of a system without considering it as a part of a greater whole. Instead of breaking it up into basic components, the systemic perspective is concerned with a global perspective. Some of the founders of the core concepts surrounding systems theory, notably Each part affects the others and by default, the system as a whole. Some of these principles, when applied to psychology, help to explore and explain patterns of behaviour. This particular approach was spearheaded by several individuals, including Gregory Bateson, Murray Bowen, Anatol Rapoport, W. Ross Ashby, and Margaret Mead (Anderson, 1997).   Concepts of Systems Theory A group of parts interacting to construct a coherent whole form the basis of the system. For something to be considered a system, it needs to have a distinct boundary separating it from external elements. Systems can also be circuits, where the outputs of a system loop back and become its inputs. Changes in a specific part of a system will change the system as a whole. This theory has been applied to the field of psychology, where it is known as systems psychology. In order to view psychology through the lens of systems theory, one must regard an individual within a group or system to be seeking homeostasis within that system. In order to create and maintain a system that works for everybody within it, it is imperative that each member’s needs, desires, expectations and behaviours are considered and regarded with equal importance. Therefore, when issues arise – they are attributed to the breakdown of the system as a whole, and not the deficiency apparent in one individual (Kerr and Bowen, 1988). Systems Theory and Family Systems Therapy This theory alludes to the fact that individuals cannot be holistically understood in isolation and must be considered within the family’s emotional unit. Bowen theorized that individuals must be viewed within their family of origin. In other words, their ancestry plays an important role in their emotional development. This concept was then developed into a popular form of treatment called family systems therapy. Effective modes Once everybody is aware of these behaviours, and can understand the history of these behaviours, the family can appropriate new behaviours that can benefit them and the rest of the family (Kerr and Bowen, 1988).   Mental health studies have long neglected the promotion and study of health. By concentrating on mental illness, a family was considered normal only if it displayed no signs of symptoms. The assumptions about healthy families were largely utopian and speculative, extracted only from studies of severely disturbed clinical cases. The systems paradigm conceptualized the family by focusing on parent-child bonds and was linear and deterministic (von Bertalanffy, 1968). However, early family assessment and treatment succeeded to focus on some dysfunctional family processes which

Anxiety Disorder – Introduction Everyone experiences anxiety at some point of their lives and this is because anxiety is a normal human emotion. Anxiety is the body’s natural way of responding to stress. Anxiety is not always negative, and can have life-saving qualities. However, it can also be negative and debilitating. Anxiety has played a key role in psychodynamic theory, neuroscience focused research and cognitive behavioural principles. Anxiety disorders also make up common groups of psychiatric disorders. This article will focus on anxiety disorders by discussing the difference between fear and anxiety, and thereafter looking at the different types of anxiety disorders. The specific types of anxiety disorders that will be discussed are generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, phobias with specific focus on agoraphobia, and lastly, obsessive-compulsive disorder. Anxiety – South Africa One in four people meet the diagnostic criteria for at least one anxiety disorder (Sadock, Sadock & Ruiz, 2015). South Africa is no different, a study conducted by Williams, Herman, Stein, Heeringa, Jackson, Moomal and Kessler (2008) revealed that anxiety disorders are very common amongst South Africans. Anxiety disorders include disorders that share features of excessive fear and anxiety and related behavioural disturbances. Panic attacks feature prominently within the anxiety disorders, but are not limited to anxiety disorders and can also be seen in other mental disorders. There is often a relationship between stress and anxiety, as anxiety is one of the responses that people may have in relation to stress. If the ego is not functioning well with response to stress, and imbalance continues for a long time, the person may experience chronic anxiety, which is anxiety over one’s lifetime (Sadock, Sadock & Ruiz, 2015). Anxiety disorders differ from one another in the types of objects or situations that induce fear, anxiety, or avoidance behaviours, and the associated cognitive ideation. Thus, while the anxiety disorders tend to be highly comorbid with each other, they can be differentiated by close examination of the types of situations that are feared or avoided and the content of the associated thoughts or beliefs. (APA, 2013, p. 189). Anxiety can also have positive effects in our lives, for example, anxiety might assist someone who needs to prepare for an exam by helping them study under stressful situations in order to pass that exam. One might avoid a ball that was thrown at their head to prevent an injury that would have otherwise occurred, or running to catch the last bus might prevent one from missing the last transport available for them to get home. Anxiety – Obsessive-Compulsive Obsessive-compulsive and related disorders include obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), body dysmorphic disorder, hoarding disorder, trichotillomania (hair-pulling disorder), excoriation (skin-picking) disorder, substance/medication-induced obsessive-compulsive and related disorder, obsessive-compulsive and related disorder due to another medical condition, and other specified obsessive-compulsive and related disorder and unspecified obsessive-compulsive and related disorder (e.g. body-focused repetitive behaviour disorder, obsessional jealousy). OCD is characterized by the presence of obsessions and/or compulsions. Obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced as intrusive and unwanted, whereas compulsions are repetitive behaviours or mental acts that an individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly (Stein, 2002). Some other obsessive-compulsive and related disorders are also characterized by preoccupations and by repetitive behaviours or mental acts in response to the preoccupations. Other obsessive-compulsive and related disorders are characterized primarily by recurrent body-focused repetitive behaviours (e.g. hair pulling, skin picking) and repeated attempts to decrease or stop the behaviours. (APA, 2013, p. 235). Olfactory reference syndrome is a belief that one has foul body odour that is not perceived by other people, the repetitive behaviour would be bathing or changing clothes repeatedly (Sadock, Sadock & Ruiz, 2015). It needs to be noted that OCD is different from obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. The obsessive-compulsive personality disorder relates to the preoccupation with details, perfectionism, neatness and similar personality traits (Sadock, Sadock & Ruiz, 2015). Fear versus Anxiety Although there are many similarities between fear and anxiety, these are two very different concepts (Ohman, 1993; Ohman, 2008). These two states overlap but also differ, with fear more associated with surges of autonomic arousal necessary for fight or flight, thoughts of immediate danger, and escape behaviours; and anxiety more often associated with muscle tension and vigilance in preparation for future danger and cautious or avoidant behaviours (APA, 2013). They are both associated with intense negative feelings and strong bodily manifestations (Ohman, 2008). Fear is the emotional response to real or perceived imminent threat, whereas anxiety is anticipation of a future threat. Fear is a response to a known external, definite threat, whereas anxiety is an alerting signal, which warns of a future threat or danger (Sadock, Sadock & Ruiz, 2015). This particular threat may be real or unreal. Anxiety assists the person by encouraging them to act in a way that may prevent or postpone this future threat or danger (Ohman, 1993; Ohman, 2008). Ohman (2008) theorised that anxiety is unresolved fear. He further said that fear is a focused response to external stimuli (e.g. phobias). If this fear is not processed or dealt with, it is likely to result in anxiety, which is unfocused, the result of which would be a panic attack relating to those phobias. This is how fear is related to panic attacks. Although a panic attack forms part of anxiety disorders, it is related to fear, as it is unresolved fear from the past. Another alternative is that the unresolved fear may cause constant mental preoccupations, which would result in generalized anxiety disorder. This example demonstrates how fear penetrates and relates to different anxiety disorders. Clinical Features of Anxiety Disorders Generalized Anxiety Disorder People who seem anxious about almost everything in their lives are classified as having generalized anxiety disorder (Sadock, Sadock & Ruiz, 2015). This worry is often difficult to control or stop. People diagnosed with GAD often say that they have been anxious for as long as they can remember, this

How To Deal With Grief And Loss Grief is something that every individual gets to deal with in their lifetime, in this article, Sanam Naran takes us through an informative path to understanding what is grief, what are the types of grief and how to identify it. Losing a loved one can have dire consequence on one’s physical, social and emotional well-being. Loved ones may become deeply entrenched in our lives, that they can be part of our identity. When your daily life is so tightly knit to a loved one, the mere thought of their absence can cause a lot of physical, social and emotional pain. Grief can be described as an intense emotional response to bereavement or the loss of something or someone you cherish. The effects of grief may differ from person to person, and may present itself in several ways. In this article, I will be discussing Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder (PCBD) and complicated grief, alternatively called pathological grief, or traumatic grief. I will begin with an overview of normative bereavement reactions, then I will describe the diagnostic criteria for PCBD and the distinction between PCBD and other disorders. Next, I will describe treatments that have been effective in reducing PCBD symptoms. I will conclude by identifying common components of effective treatments and offering recommendations for practicing clinicians. Presentation Of Normal Grief Grief is an individual process, with different phases, which can vary in duration and phases. It cannot be seen as a linear process as it would differ from person to person. In the first year of loss, a large number of individuals may experience the following: cognitive disorganisation, health complications, and impairment in social and occupational functioning (Gotlib & LeMoult, 2014). There is seen to be a progress from acute grief to integrated grief in most individuals, however, one must be cognizant of their cultural backgrounds and upbringing as this may differ due to that (Barry, Kasl, & Prigerson, 2002). What is Acute grief? Acute grief can be explained as an intense despair and yearning for the loved one, a desire to meet them, thoughts and memories of them and a feeling of sadness that prevails throughout the day. What is Integrated grief? Integrated grief can be described as the acceptance of the deceased loved one and a progression to continue with one’s life without that person (Barry, Kasl, & Prigerson, 2002). The Kübler-Ross model explains a normal grieving process in stages as follows: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Holmes & Rahe, 1967), Research by Holmes & Rahe (1967) showed that during the six months after a loss, the reality of the loss gradually sets in as the denial gradually fades out. Rag and depression are experienced in five and six months, after which there begins a decline in these stages. After six months, all these stages are less intense, and the individual begins to accept (Holmes & Rahe, 1967). What are some of the experiences that a grieving person: Cognitive Disorganisation Confusion and preoccupation Individuals will experience feelings of preoccupation with the deceased, a sense of disorganization and confusion (Balk, 2011). Disturbance of identity These individuals often feel as if something has been taken away from their identity and their being. Some find that they do things in a similar way to the deceased. They also often contemplate about their own deaths (Gotlib and LeMoult, 2014). Sense of disrupted future Most of these individuals are unable to foresee a future without their loved ones and find a lack of motivation to continue on with their lives (Balk, 2011). Long-term search for meaning They are often trying to understand their loss and why it has occurred. Most of these individuals find it challenging to make meaning of their loss in the first few months after the death (Balk, 2011). Dysphoria Distressing emotions in the bereavement process These individuals will often begin to experience survivor guilt. They may also begin to question what they could have done differently to avoid the death of their loved one. Anger is often directed to the deceased, other family members or God (Gotlib and LeMoult, 2014). Pining or yearning It is said that grief only occurred if there was a strong sense of ‘pining’ or yearning for their loved one (Balk, 2011). Loneliness An individual will often report feelings of intense loneliness and begin to isolate themselves from others which could cause a deeper sense of loneliness (Balk, 2011). Health Deficits Health behaviours and complaints These individuals may experience health problems associated with appetite, sleep disturbances, breathing problems and palpitations. An increase in mortality rates is also noticed (Gotlib and LeMoult, 2014). Types of Loss Ambiguous loss can be described as a type of loss that complicates grief and prevents a type of closure (Boss, 2014). This loss is characterized by the individual not fully understanding the loss and searching for answers to the point where they are not able to accept and resolved their mourning. There exists three types of grief that can develop from ambiguous loss: Anticipatory grief occurs before the death of a loved one and becomes anticipated by all members of the family. A loved one with a terminal illness can cause individuals to experience this type of grief (Balk, 2011). The second type of grief is frozen grief that results from physical or psychological disappearance of a loved one. The third type of grief is disenfranchised grief. This occurs when the grief is not taken seriously example the loss of a pet (Gotlib and LeMoult, 2014).   Complicated Grief is characterized by overwhelming grief that persists for at least six months after the death of the loved one. Here are some of the signs of complicated grief: Profound yearning and powerful longing to be reconnected with the deceased, Intense separation distress, Intrusive thoughts about the loved one, Disturbing images of the deceased or of the death event, Avoidance of reminders that the loved one has died, and Proximity seeking to feel closer