Self Compassion by Melissa Frank – Conscious Psychology
What is compassion?
Compassion is being deeply aware of the distress experienced by others, resulting in a desire to alleviate that distress. Often, we may find that being compassionate towards others comes naturally. We understand the reasoning behind why someone is reacting in the way that they have, or we imagine the pain that they’re experiencing and want to be there for them, offering them support or kindness during a trying time.
Yet when it comes to ourselves, we hold ourselves to different standards. We tend to judge ourselves harshly, holding impossible expectations for ourselves that we rarely expect from others. In addition, when we find ourselves experiencing difficulty, or making mistakes, we are quick to critique and slow to understand why we may be struggling at this point in time. We fail to take our own context into consideration – a task we manage easily with others.
What is compassion for self?
Self-compassion means meeting yourself with kindness and understanding. It involves supporting yourself, rather than responding with harsh judgement or criticism when dealing with the inevitable difficulties that arise in our daily lives.
According to Dr Kristen Neff, an expert on the topic, there are three elements to
self-compassion:
- Self-kindness: this involves treating yourself with the same care and understanding you would a friend who was in distress.
- Mindfulness: this entails being aware of your thoughts, feelings and experiences without over-identifying with them.
- A sense of common humanity: this means recognising that mistakes, challenges and setbacks are an inevitable part of the human experience.
This doesn’t mean that we ignore the emotions that may arise when setbacks occur – it’s normal to feel disappointment, embarrassment or sadness when things don’t go the way we expect. However, all-consuming feelings of inadequacy, shame or guilt may indicate a deeper matter that might be helpful to explore in a safe space.
References:
on
https://hbr.org/2022/12/what-does-self-compassion-really-mean